Dating after forty

"They've done well in their careers and they've lost touch with their femininity.

But men prefer women who are not confrontational or loud – and who have a soft lilt to their voice." No doubt she's right, but such contrived stratagems go against a certain Anglo Saxon straightforwardness – and there's something uncomfortably Stepford about all that grooming and pearly dentistry.

"But once I'd restyled her," she says, "she was a goddess." The next hurdle is more tricky: how to avoid scaring men off.

"One problem is that women have to rely on male energy to get on in the world," Paula says.

I am 44 years old and entering the dating scene again for the first time in 25 years. I am not doing the online singles sites…that is just scary to me. I am new in town, with a few happily married friends. So much of my time was taken up with caring for someone else that now I just don’t know how to fill that time. Thanks for highlighting an important principle for women over 40 seeking love: You will not find it unless you do something differently. It’s called Match.com, it’s open 24 hours a day, and it costs a lot less than getting on a plane and hoping to sit next to a 45-year-old eligible bachelor.

I have four grown who are trying to set me up (I love them, but what a nightmare!! I highly suggest you get over your fear of online dating, not because it’s perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but because it’s ubiquitous and effective in creating opportunity.

Clients must display a steely resolve in their pursuit of Mr Right by adopting multi-pronged dating "strategies" rather than sitting at home waiting mournfully for the phone to ring. Whether it's the internet, introduction agencies, singles events, special interest groups such as Classical Partners, charitable/church organisations, or business networking, no stone must be left unturned.

Reluctant friends must be dragooned into wheeling out single men.

Her approach, based on marketing techniques gleaned from years working in big corporations, isn't romantic, but she's convinced it works.Women disliked men who were rude to waiters, or showed no aptitude for the art of conversation.Yet the Radio 4 programme made no reference to the thousands of people for whom dates are like needles in haystacks. It’s about attracting men, understanding men, and making them want to stick around forever and ever. As to where you meet men, yes, there’s one place that’s more effective in making introductions than 100 visits to Whole Foods and Art History class combined. So if it’s not already abundantly clear, dating advice is not about WHERE to meet men.

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Paula's approach is also brash, focused and results driven, when British women tend to prefer subtle, banterish and elliptical.

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